its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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