apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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