the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
