can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
as a side note pls kill me
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
