Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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