$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
