:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
