dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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