I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
