So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
