Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
