The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
