this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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