Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The feeling are messing with the penis
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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