she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
