I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
