The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
