I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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