Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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