Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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