3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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