Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
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I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
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You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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