okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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