I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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