shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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