I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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