Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
