We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
