she looked like the before picture.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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