the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My Sexting was not on an AP level
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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