ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
