His pubic hair was longer than his dick
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
