So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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