i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
