He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
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She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
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