i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
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Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
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I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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