Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
