Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i will never coherently bang her
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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