dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
