doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
