I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
