Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
