The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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