Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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