It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
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Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
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But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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