mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
