i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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