What a fucking waste of an outfit
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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