I'm going to rape someone's good day.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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