My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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