Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
