Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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