My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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