Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
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my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
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Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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