so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
