He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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