mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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