Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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